The relationship between the problem
gambler and his or her spouse is often the most
seriously affected. The wife or husband of the
gambler suffers directly from the lies and deceit.
They feel that they no longer know their partner,
and that the security of their family is being
put at risk.
The financial strain on the family can be massive,
but the emotional damage is just as serious. When
trust is broken down relationships soon follow.
To begin with the partner of the problem gambler
may feel bewildered and confused. Despite suspecting
that there is a problem, they may find it easier
to ignore it, in the mistaken belief that it will
simply disappear. Sometimes it is easier to believe
the lies and give in to the gambler’s demands.
They may even lend money to the gambler, thinking
that they are helping, or subconsciously blaming
themselves for the problem. But as the debts and
the lies pile up they get angry, both at the gambler
and at themselves. They feel helpless and are
unable to understand the seriousness of the problem.
They expect their partner to simply stop the gambling;
to ‘see reason’ and put an end to
the source of stress and worry. Arguments become
more frequent and communication breaks down.
The partner of the gambler is often the first
to confront them with the fact that they have
a problem. Hiding and denying the problem is the
most important thing for the gambler because it
enables them to continue the cycle of addiction.
Therefore they may become very angry when confronted
- they see it as a form of attack. From the gambler’s
point of view their partner simply does not understand.
The problem gambler is not able to rationalise
their actions, and as far as they’re concerned
they do not have a problem. They will accuse their
partner of creating problems by interfering in
their plans and upsetting their mood. Of course
these plans invariably revolve around gambling
and their mood is dictated by wins and losses.
The partner of the gambler may be subjected to
mental and physical abuse, and consequentially
the relationship will collapse. Separation or
divorce is a possible outcome.
The children of problem gamblers will inevitably
suffer too.
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