You are not alone
No matter how bad it seems and how overwhelming
the situation has become remember that you are
not alone. Gambling addiction affects lots of
families, no one is immune and there is nothing
to be ashamed of. Stress caused by debt can lead
to feelings of isolation and helplessness. Also
the gambler’s need for secrecy may be exerting
pressure on you to keep things to yourself. Until
you are able to talk to someone it is important
to realise that there are many other families
in similar positions.
Be specific
It may help to confront the gambler with specific
negative impacts of their problem gambling. Calmly
explain to them some of the damaging consequences
of their gambling. Don’t loose your temper
or exaggerate. It may help to think about what
you will say before hand. Pick a good time to
talk and don’t allow your emotions to run
away with you. As much as is possible you should
try to anticipate the gambler’s reaction
– don’t be caught of guard with anger
or denials. Be clear and precise and make sure
you get your point across. Being confronted with
simple facts can sometime jolt the gambler into
recognising the extent of the problem. They may
be so caught up in the day-to-day necessities
of the addiction that they have not stopped to
think about things such as their child missing
out on a school trip, or an unpaid bill leading
to embarrassment and distress.
Be realistic
For a problem gambler admitting that a problem
exists is a big first step. It may take a long
time to get to this stage. Yet for someone living
with a compulsive gambler the opposite is true.
You have lived with the problem and it’s
consequences for a long time. In terms of recognising
the problem and thinking seriously about how to
resolve it you are probably much further ahead
in the mental recovery process than the sufferer
themselves. Take this into account when you talk
to the gambler. Don’t expect things to get
better overnight. Problem gambling is a serious
and often deep-rooted psychological problem. There
is no quick fix or magic cure. Be realistic about
recovery time and be prepared for a possible relapse.
As with any recovering addict there is a distinct
possibility of this happening. Psychologists believe
that this is a normal step in the process and
can help to strengthen resolve in the long term.
As someone supporting a problem gambler you should
be prepared for this possibility and try not to
get angry if it happens. Accusing or attacking
the gambler when they are in a vulnerable position
is the worst thing you can do. If you are aware
of the time and energy it will take to recover
from a gambling dependency then you can avoid
this happening.
Get professional help
The problem gambler may not wish to seek professional
advice initially. However if you are attempting
to help someone through a gambling addiction it
is important that you get educated and learn what
you will be dealing with. A useful first step
is to do some research. Use the internet or your
local library to read up on problem gambling.
If you would rather talk to someone in person
there are help lines you can call. You need not
give names or personal details. Professional counsellors
will not judge you or your family, but they will
be able to provide help and support. The next
step is to pass on this information to the gambler,
and to encourage them to seek professional support
themselves. If you plan on suggesting this then
it is wise to have the information on hand to
offer. If the gambler is willing to ask for professional
help then there is no time like the present. Be
prepared with phone numbers, web addresses and
printed information. Prove to them that help is
available and that you will support them throughout
the process.
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