The first and hardest step in dealing with a gambling addiction is for the gambler to admit that he or she has a problem (see ‘the first stop'– admitting you have a problem). But as soon as this happens the process of dealing with the problem and helping yourself to overcome it can begin.

Reaching crisis point

Initially the gambler may feel particularly low and depressed when they admit that they have a problem. Aside from anything else, admitting the problem often follows some type of crisis in the gambler’s life. The crisis point could be financial: problems with debt collectors, loss of important possessions such as your car or house, even something as simple as not being able to pay the electricity bill or provide basic necessities to live comfortably. However the most common crisis point that pushes the compulsive gambler into admitting the problem is one concerned with family: being disowned by parents, divorced by a partner or having your children are taken into care. If the gambler has been forced to move forward to this stage by a crisis situation there is a high possibility of them returning to their old habits. In other words, if they have admitted the problem only because they had to, then there is a significant risk of them moving backwards. The gambler who has made a conscious decision to seek help is in a slightly stronger position. They generally report an overwhelming feeling of relief that they no longer have to keep up the lies and pretence. It is a massive weight off their minds that they can discuss the problem and take steps towards moving forward and resolving it. In either situation the gambler requires support and encouragement from others. They should also understand that if there is a slip back into gambling it doesn’t mean there is no hope of solving the problem, just that it may take a second or third attempt to reach a level where you regain some control over your gambling.

Regaining control: some positive steps

Problem gambling has no magical cure. There is no easy way of making those urges that drive a compulsive gambler to disappear. It is a complex psychological problem and discovering the root cause will take time and effort. However to begin with there are a number of steps the gambler can take towards beginning to control and solve the problem.

1. Be honest with yourself and others.
You have to face up to the problem in order to deal with it. It is important to be completely honest with yourself and others. You need to understand the extent of the problem so that you can see clearly what needs to be done to begin resolving the situation. Honesty is a prerequisite in dealing with any addiction. However, for a compulsive gambler learning to be honest with yourself and others is often even harder than it is for an alcoholic or substance abuser. Lying and maintaining a level of disbelief about your circumstances is central to the life of a problem gambler. Fooling yourself into believing that the next bet will be the big win, that the cards will fall your way, that stealing from your family is unimportant because by the time you get home from the casino you’ll be able to replace it with interest, all of this is central to the psychology of a problem gambler. Therefore facing up to things and being honest about the extent of the problem is a massive hurdle for someone coming to terms with a gambling compulsion.

2. Ask for help.
Talk to someone you trust. Be open and honest and do not try to play down the extent of the problem or the effect it is having on your life. The stigma attached to admitting any kind of addiction is a big hurdle to overcome at this stage, and you may find it incredibly hard to talk to people about your situation. There will be feelings of shame and embarrassment, along with anger and frustration. Find someone you feel comfortable with. That person should be non-judgemental and should do little more than listen and encourage you to keep talking. If you don’t feel that you can disclose details or talk about emotional issues then you need to find someone else to talk to. Often it is a family member or close, long-term friend who fulfils this role. However it may be that the person you make the initial admittance of the problem to is not the right person to help you talk through it. This could be because they are too close to you, because they are unable to stop themselves giving you their opinion on where you’ve gone wrong with your life, or because they are too involved in the gambling world and cannot see clearly that you are asking for a way out. It is very important that you find the right person to talk to – somebody that you can trust but also that you can come completely clean with. Any further secrets or half truths at this stage will hamper your progress and give you something else to worry about; another layer of deceit to maintain.